Have no desire to live an ego driven life to my own aims, I feel I have nothing to gain and only a lot to give. I understand we all exist as the pitted centers of our perceptive worlds but I am deeply confused how no one in my life is trying to work communally towards any sublimating matters. Sublimating like to work towards to build something transcendent and inspiring to echo thru time in growth for others. Not transcendent in its ubiquity but in its ability to move forward. Seeding a new world through art or agronomy or dreams. In the way that only a collective of people could be in total devotion, even for just a time. I'm feeling all the time it is more attainable, unfortunately in measure with the speed I am able to shed all of my previous layers of grime. It's not even about palpable change within my lifetime, though that's always the aim- it's just how I fundamentally wanna live, the only way I can imagine living free of existential angst that others roll their eyes at but debilitates me; to be engaged in collective pursuit of sublimating matters outside of myself. Totally idealistic and prolly naive but its overwhelming and I feel mobilized. I'm deeply frustrated to be just making things that amuse myself when I wanna be contributing and helping others but the solution to that is just to do it. I am working to find a way and reaching all over to relocate myself amongst others mobilized. I am really close. Then I can begin my cult.