I I I I I I I I stuttering column
A problem of scale. This whole site and all my output and input all sort of revolve around the bewilderment of existence and live-time awareness of that within the voice of authorship. Swaggy yet swag. This whole train, though, is about bringing myself forward, towards others.
My name is Mary Alexandra Joins. Everyone has always called me Alex.
The name Mary is a symbolic gesture with no utility.
My mother has changed up her story about its origin a few times so I'm not sure what the real story is.
She originally claimed it was a tribute to the mother of Jesus the son of God. But then recently she said when I was born I looked like a perfect ceramic doll so she named me after a type of ceramic doll popular in her time- a Madame Alexander doll. So I guess the truth lies somewhere between those two items of inspiration.
I don't really identify with my name but it is an identifier in the way I do not make qualms with the name of the street I live on.
Thank you for asking me about my name. It is so nice to think on these simple things with you.
The words "italics" "axe" and "licks" will turn my head as well. Try it out!
I'm a woman. I like it! More specifically: I am a woman from Florida. Sorry not sorry!
I have assaulted someone. I threw a bottle at a mans face for messing with me and my friend at a bar but it broke his two front teeth. We weren't unsafe at the time, it was done out of disproportionate retribution and remains an indefensible act.
I have threatened to assault someone. I threatened to pour boiling water on my roommate as a joke when we were in a fight but they took it serious and were afraid.
I have turned away from those in direct need of help, or otherwise said nothing when I was able to.
I have used racist and homophobic language as well as held racist and homophobic attitudes as a child, thru active and passive participation.
I have destroyed other peoples' property and behaved in a wreckless/direspectful manner while under the influence countless times.
I do not condone any of this behavior and accept it as cruel and wrong and cause for judgement.
It would be easy to not speak to these actions and relegate them to growing pains, but I find it more appropriate to present the facts.
I have done a lot of good in my life and do not feel those acts define my personhood as these acts do not either.
I think, as a person with absolutely no platform whatsoever, it is equally important to express my fallibility and flaws.
Perhaps we can take account for our actions before it is demanded we face the fact of them.
Healing is not about redemption or apology. It is correction and growth.
Daily I participate in a lifetime effort to heal from my choices that have harmed others.
This section is not designed to mock so called cancel culture.
Natal Star Shit
July 14, 1993
Cancer sun, Taurus Moon, Taurus Ascendant